


Through Busted Invisible Iron

by mangoesntangoes



Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangoesntangoes/pseuds/mangoesntangoes
Summary: Writing through self experience...self worth, and self hate.
Relationships: Hugh Everhart | Captain Chromium/Simon Westwood | The Dread Warden
Kudos: 5





	Through Busted Invisible Iron

Hugh felt like the note was burning in his hands. It took him a minute to actually look down at it, and read it.

He read the part with his name on it, he just couldn't force his eyes below it. He really didn't want to read it. But... Of course, it was for Simon.

I dont know how to really talk to you about this but...when i wrote it...it all came out...Just read it for me, ok?

He opened up the crease. Some parts of ink were smudged together. He took a shaky breath and his eyes traveled.

— _For me, its hard. From my head, the world is just different._

_This is my world.  
_

_Through a metal wall like yours, but only visible to me: They call you strong but little do they know, the thing that makes you so is a thick wall of iron._

_Seemingly, that wall has cracked. Blackness seeps through...Well, you know what they say._

_Its better to leave something broken that hurt yourself trying to fix it. In the end, it would only get worse. It would break you down and then obliterate you._

_Then you'd be nothing. Not even a walking shell of nothing. You'd be pure nothing. Nothing that had life. That had feelings._

_Nothing._

_And sometimes,...it feels like you were nothing in the first place. You don't feel any differently than you did before. And people can say that they are there._

_But thee moment, you turn to them...they're gone. Because the truth is, they've never been there. You made it seem like they wanted you but you just there. They'd be perfectly the same without you._

_And maybe it would be better that way. No one needed to hear your past, your self traumas. And so you just walked around, an invisible epitome of pain and despair. What you would give for a brain that did not speak._

_Why are you trying so hard?_

_They never liked you in the first place_

_Give it up already, your work is not something to be proud_

_You've dwindled too longYou've deteriorated_

_Stop focusing on your meaning_

_You've never had one_

_What you would give for a friend that would not leave you. What you would give to that friend. And you can try try try again and no matter what...they turn their back._

_They've found someone more interesting.Sometimes...it's better to leave things alone than make it worse trying to fix it. In the end, the only you've done was break it even more. Then there would be no point. Because...its all gone._

_Theres would be nothing left to fix, its unfixable. They'd rather leave it alone and come back later. They ask it if its ok before they leave, and the wall gives a weak smile and mumbles "yea." for you._

_They come around again and ask the same. The wall speaks "no, Ive been having trouble lately." To give a taste of a response. They give a look and say "well, i hope it works out."Yea.." the wall mutters as they turn to leave once more._

_All you can do is sit and creat while the blackened iron wall does nothing to protect you. The blackness has made the wall turn on you. You suffocate. And you cant help but wonder what caused this._

_The fight you caused?_

_The anger you've let yourself soak in?_

_The envy that swallowed your heart whole?_

_What were you trying to demonstrate? That you could be likable? All these thoughts swarmed against you until you can no longer breathe the kind air that you did when you were alone._

_Thats the reason you are alone. You are meant to be alone. So that is what you accept. You are broken. Do not fix yourself. You will only make the both of us worse._

_Its better you linger as the ghost you say are. People see you, they say their sayings. Do not force yourself upon them. It is better to leave yourself broken, than hurt both of us trying to fix it. - Simon_

Hugh crumpled up the paper. Im just...hearing things," Simon would say, when he was staring out a window with no look on his face. This is what he was hearing...And what do you do about that?

He could be as close as he wanted to be to Simon, but this...this seems like he still wouldn't feel if he was there. Like he's never been there in there in the first place.

Maybe thats why he went out without saying anything. Maybe he just needed to look for something. Someone? It was hard to understand. Hugh knew he never would. The best thing he did know was comfort.

If Simon did come back soon, he would try his best to be there. Even if he didn't understand, he could still hold his hands.


End file.
